The essence of a heartsong

I have become uncannily skilled as of late at working myself up into all sorts of frenzies that range the gamut of life. Small bits of discontent sneakily creep in, and before I can take them back, the evil seeds blow up into adrenalinic freak out sessions. Yesterday mid-lecture I slipped into the premature stages of hyperventilation as my mind grasped the reality that I may actually fail my linguistics class this semester (thank you, Catalan--arg). Then one thing leads to another to another to another with my loony line of logic zigzagging me all over the world of worrisome worries and withering thoughts, and soon enough, I'm whirling haphazardly at warp speed. A myriad of factors jerk me around in a dizzy dance, which is never pretty because, trust me, I'm Asian, I CAN'T dance.

Vaguely put, there have been so many different things going on in my life these past months. Life...just never stops. I've been telling people that God has been rocking my world in every aspect here in Spain. I mean that in its absolute entirety. Invariably blessed, but also quickly unsettling and overwhelming perhaps begin to scratch the surface. I've spent the last few days trying to write this blog entry, still not sure where I'm headed. Diarrheaing out thoughts, deleting whole paragraphs, rewording, reworking...taking a break, only to come back with an even more unresolved jumble of thoughts. I guess I'm trying too hard to say too much about too much, the biggest problem being that I haven't even completely processed out the "much" for myself yet.


Sierra and I recently started a Bible Study, setting aside weekly time to dig deep into Ecclesiastes together. It has been one of the most refreshing and life-giving experiences. Mmm. The penetrating relevancy of God's Word continues to astound me even after so many thousands of years and despite the marked differences in backgrounds, circumstances, times, you name it. But I semi-digress.

One of the main themes that continues to reappear is the irrevocable linkage of existence and contentment, as well as their most basic, foundational significance. We really think that starting with Adam and Eve, God created us with the original intent just to BE. To delight in Him, to relish His presence, to worship Him by simply enjoying all that He is. In the midst of that effortless worship (well, with the fall of man, we have made such worship everything but effortless), God gifts an all-enveloping contentment that pours deep satisfaction in every crevice of life. And in turn, everything--people, events, circumstances, relationships, dreams--falls naturally into its divinely appointed place.


So this is the direction I want to be headed: "...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."-Philippians 4:11-13.

And ultimately, who else but God would put it best? I realize it all comes down to this: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."-Philippians 4:6-7.

Tengo tanto que aprender...